The Golden Ball & George & Dragon, West Wycombe - 18th June 2008

Run Report by Chris


Aah… Sorry! I know I said I would do it!
And now it’s Tuesday and all Hell is going to break loose because I haven’t. However I have come up with the answer!!!!

"A Form letter run report" Brilliant!

Here is the first draft: Please delete as appropriate sections in red!
We all met up in the car park at the (Venue: enter pub name). Although the weather was a bit We had to wait for (Chris/Kate/Chris/Amanda/Chris/Chris) as they were late again. Another half an hour or so was also wasted whilst (Jules/Jules/Jules/Jules) faffed around with (sat navs/Watch/Batteries/Maps/Bike).
The run started with a (steep run up hill/ very steep run up hill) whilst Fred complained about Jerome’s (smoking/weight gain/slobbyness-probably don’t need to delete any). At the top Presso, Selwyn and David got a bit nervous that the pub was now a good 4oo yds away and headed off on a short loop, They were joined by (Doug/Richard) because (they had a bad knee/had a bad day at the office/ had a good day at the office/ they’re worth it!)
The rest of us followed the lane for another ¾ mile. As ever the conversation was the same:
(pick 2 from the following)
Steve Sutton recalled his present injury list.
Kate told us all how much she is now running
Steve T what a big killing he made on his house sale
John what’s wrong with Gordon Brown
Chris wittered on about something which only he understood and found funny
Amanda how she had gone in the office for two meeting this week and is worried about executive burn out
Michael Herfurt said nothing
Susie how lovely everyone looked and how she thought they’d lost a bit of weight
Fred explained how the roots of the Deadnettle and sitting under quartz cristals were very good for PMT.
Dud’s apologised about the video chip he had emailed with the girl, the dog a bottle of coke and a packet of vimtos.
At one point (John/Jules/Chris/Steve) had a big argument over the route and we back tracked a mile or two.
On return David had changed completely into (his casual wear/gardening cloths/pulling gear) as he had a hot date. Selwyn and Presso had drunk (1/2/3) pints on the kitty.
Talk among the girls focused mainly around how their men are still so (hot/fat/flatulent) and how they were really looking forward to a good (night/row/divorce).
We all disappeared into the night with Jerome and Selwyn left to tidy up the (glasses/nibbles/kitty)

Prince Albert, Frieth - 11th June 2008 - Selwyn's 'Diamond Geezer' evening

Run Report by Doug

Yes, our very own Spellbound reaches his diamond year and, accordingly, the Albert is our venue for this weeks run.

Whilst sure I may be missing someone (and with due apologies) I recall Kate, Amanda, Jools, Jerome, David, Brett, Michael, Presso, Stevie T, John, Rodders, Selwyn and myself as the running group. We were later joined, at various intervals, but with only one resounding gaffe, by Fred, Spider, Duds and Aude, Carters, Ollie and Jackie.

Based on subsequently mailed feedback, this would appear to have been one of the ‘Group’s’ most enjoyable evenings. The recipe for such pleasures is clear: 45 minute pleasant run, nothing too strenuous, followed by more beers than usual and a lift, stagger, cycle home. Let this be a lesson to those who would dare to juggle with the proven formula; the very basis on which our ‘spiritual leader’ instigated these jaunts all those years ago.

As ever, I really have little clue as to our route for the evening, but we went up a little and along a short while before one of the earliest fattie/fittie splits I can remember. We fatties then undertook a long downhill into Skirmett (yes, a landmark I recognised) before an equally long uphill, apparently “towards the convent”, flattening out for another while, then back down to our starting point. As we headed ‘homeward’, Jerome broke into the relevant Simon and Garfunkel number. A gift of great wonder, Jerome’s voice. For those of you who have not had the pleasure, he has agreed to run through his repertoire of S and G songs at Kate’s curry evening. Look out, in particular, for his remix of ‘Keep the Customer Satisfied’….

As we ran, David kindly shared his US Open bets and pointed out the futility of my own. As I suspected at the time, his rather more in-depth research would appear far more likely to bear fruit than the ‘hunches’ of Jerome and myself. ‘Twas always thus.

Fitties arrived back at much the same time and, given the outstanding pace we maintained in our group, really can’t have gone much further.

Selwyn very kindly bought the first round to celebrate the previous days milestone. I remember being amazed when Selwyn reached his fortieth (and slightly more amazed to be at my first ‘friend’s 40th party’ at the age of 27!), but, at 60, he continues to belie the years, continues to pound the footpaths, fields and lanes of South Bucks and continues to put away the Stellas with great aplomb. An inspiration in every way. Many happy returns Spellbound.

Brett did the honours of thanking Selwyn and presented him with a ‘go faster’ slinky top and a most unexpected card, which Fred had signed by then….

I made the mistake of getting the second round in. There must surely be some form of basic aptitude test in existence for bar staff/landlords etc. “One drink at a time……£2.90, £2.90, £2.90 (in fairness, when I ordered 6 bags of crisps, he did group them together as three lots of £1, rather than 6 x 50p) and, whilst £51 seemed a little on the steep side at the time, I would have paid double to be relieved of the responsibility – this chap will not be working in Dublin/Cork for some while yet…

Conversation slowly deteriorated to that old favourite of ‘porn names’ and though I have always been quite proud of my own ‘Dusty Wishart’, I certainly bow to Ollie’s alliterate ‘Shandy Smith’ (?). Duds lifted ill-fitting carvers, Jerome lifted tables with his lithe manoeuvres and our ‘spiritual leader’ watched over his flock regally, Stella in hand, at peace with the world and in love with everyone…

Next week’s run will be from the Golden Ball at West Wycombe. 7pm start.

Run Report Authors

The Dog & Badger, Medmenham - 4th June 2008

Run Report by Presso

This weeks run report is submitted by Lord Lucan, or at least it could have been, since he was as present as the author.
Apologies for lateness but at least I was there for the business end of the run ie a drink or two.
As all will know, the run from The Dog and Badger (actually now an Italian restaurant) starts with an uncomfortable uphill mile, enough to see off most, one of the reasons I was late, but not enough to deter a large turn out of the following: Brett, Doug, David, Duds, Fred, Steve (thanks again), Spider, Pete, Selwyn, Amanda, Jules, Susie, Kate, and Selwyn. Unfortunately, (not), I was a tad late and missed the start, therefore having to jog down the flat bit to Hambleden Mill and back, on my onio, and get a crafty one in before everyone else returned. Fortunately I was able to glean the salient details from others as they returned.
Unlike as is normal that the fitties split from the fatties, it would appear that there were several breaks in the run, with splits at the start of every hill after the first, aforementioned, climb. Let this be a lesson to all route planners that hills are controversial (nay, they are the devils work, put there to exhaust the God fearing...). Put none in the route and you are a GOD. Watch your followers deplete by each hill you insert.
I am reliably informed that, surprising as it may sound, some wild-life was spotted on this run, namely, a brace of rabbits and a deer.....!! Gosh.... not sure that has happened before but since I wasn't there I can only assume that these were amazing rabbits and that the deer was not an old dear, (actually, I was interested enough to qualify that point). Seriously though, I suspect the oily bread is the only thing that keeps this venue on the list.
So, as for the chat in the pub......Funnily enough I wasn't there for that either as I stayed out in the garden (where I could smoke if I wanted..not that I did very much... I think I may have had two) but I would have to say that I started out at the girls end of the table....SHOCK......HORROR.....GASP..... and I did thrash about like a proverbial........(fish out of water for those who didn't get that one) but my auld mucker, Rodders, then turned up having run there from Radnage. Good effort by anyones standards.
We had a very pleasant chat all round until the soft southerners had to disappear inside ( at about 9.00pm when the temperature dropped below 20 degrees) at which point, those tough enough, analysed, defined, and dispensed with depression. (Probably a topic brought on by the soft southerners....or was it Gordon the Moron...?)
Anyway, I'm now stressing as to whether I managed the prescribed number of words for a run report or whether I've bored the pants off everyone who actually ran, or what, really.... anyway..on to my journey home.
I went inside the pub (after those polite enough to stay outside with me had had enough and left swiftly from the car park) to find those, there, were also legging it as quickly as their weary legs would take them. Obviously, they all had Blueberries, and they had all been sent messages that I had not, that it was time for bed.......... During my drive home, I saw, two barn owls, three monkjack deer, six rabbits (two squashed, one in my rear view mirror) the 10 o' clock news, (only in a Mercedes) and two empty packets of Silk Cut... just to remind me to buy some more.
Next weeks run is from The Prince Albert in Freith, which will no doubt piss Selwyn off loads, as he will have no excuse to be late home (or is that just me.).
Presso

The Flowerpot, Aston, 28th May 2008

Run Report by David

….and so it somehow came to pass that 12 foolhardy souls gathered at The Flower Pot in cool, wet and generally unpleasant conditions. It is alleged that I was the last to arrive (hence my scribing now), but it was a close-run thing because, as I pulled into the Car Park at 6.55, I was carved up by three mud-spattered ninja-cyclists who, after much unsavoury scraping and hosing down, revealed themselves to be Rodders, Jules and an old friend of Jules called Simon.
Anyway, in the 10 minutes that it took for the aforementioned bikes to be dismantled and stowed, Rodders ate his supper, Duds deposited the contents of his sinuses over various parking bays (one of which unfortunately contained Selwyn’s bike) and the rest of us stood getting colder and wetter. We eventually set off in two groups. The main pack (comprising Amanda, Duds, Jules, Kate, Pete, Rodders, Simon, Spider and Susie set off on their 5.1 mile (plus a bonus loop for the fitties) hill-fest with Selwyn, under orders from his doc, riding behind. Meanwhile, market-gardener extraordinaire Presso and I trundled off down a relatively gradient-free road towards Henley. After last week’s sartorial statements (although in Brett’s case I’m not sure quite what he was trying to say), this week’s attire was decidedly subdued. The "highlight" was Selwyn’s shorts, which he plainly inherited from Eric Morecambe.
Apparently at some stage Selwyn separated from the peloton and went to find, I think he said, Crocker’s End whilst Pete, concerned that the main group was still running away from the pub after 25 minutes, decided to turn back. Presso and I, with a disciplined regime of running for 10 minutes and then walking for 2, eventually arrived in Henley before heading for home along the towpath. At some stage in the middle of nowhere we bumped into a bloke called Dom (a mate of Presso and Baz, apparently), an encounter which provided a couple of minutes welcome respite and chat.
Pete was first back to the pub with the rest of us arriving in various states of saturated dishevelment over the next 25 minutes. The beer was reasonable, the snacks were plentiful and for once the service at The Flower Pot was half-decent (and the very pleasant barmaid was rather more than half decent). Having been obliged to leave first, I am not the best person to comment on the sparkling conversation and repartee, so I’ll let others provide those details.
Kate very kindly offered to organise next week’s run around the grounds of Cliveden, but since it would require us all to wear Burnham Joggers’ vests, it is actually going to be from The Dog and Badger at Medmenham!
David